Things happen every day: deaths, births, divorce, marriage, success. Anyone will say that "life is too short" to allow negative to enter into their personal lives, my personal opinion is that saying "life is too short" is negative...so basically they've already allowed negativity to enter into their life. I'd rather think life is too much fun and fun makes time move faster, if that makes any sense at all. Changes in the family are dropping like bombs. Pregnancy, engagements, college acceptances, planning, moving, and a wedding. It comes at us really fast, but I think that we're handling everything a lot better than most families like mine would. Some may say that we're a broken family-since half of us live in Utah, there has been drama between every daughter/son/sibling. We've pulled ourselves out of a lot of "sticky situations" and surprisingly we haven't broken yet. I would say we're pretty tight-knit, strong family and it's hard to get in between our bonds of steel.
Among all of these spring happenings, however, I've forgotten all about my plans for financing my dream. It's not that I'm being irresponsibly, I think I'm choosing to have as much fun as possible to avoid stress build-up. The one thing I cannot handle well is stress.
Stress: physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension. The four words I can't bare to hear in a conversation. With graduation coming up and my acceptance to my number one college-I've been slacking off on my school work (no particular reason right?) and I'm just beginning to realize how much stress I'm putting on myself. So instead of doing my work I decide to rid myself of these thoughts...and tasks. I take a walk, shower, write etc. Anything but that stressful work is fine by me. Of course, this means I've been spending more money. Money that I should be saving for a car and two school's tuition. You can see how much stress there is already. What to do, where to go etc. I'm beginning to worry that I might not be able to afford my cosmetology school to begin with! My trip to Utah will hopefully shed some light on a new job, and a great plan for me to get up the money to buy a car and pay for my first payment of tuition at Paul Mitchell.
People here in Palo Alto, I think, are addicted to stress. My mom has the perfect case of this sickness. She's always outdoing herself (in a good way), but, this makes her freak out sometimes, breakdown and what not. I'm learning from Palo Alto-inians that less is more. Life IS too short to be adding more time you don't have to your schedules, whatever happened to just enjoying the nighttime sky for fifteen minutes? Or daydreaming for a few minutes...or hours in class?! Living isn't for constantly doing something, it's for your own enjoyment right?
Living out Loud...it's hard to do, to live with no regrets, more laughter and more tears than there are hours in a day. I don't like eating more than my stomach can handle, allowing myself to do more tasks than my brain can handle. I'm making a personal pact to take things easy until Graduation. The only way to be stress free is to allow yourself to make time to just breathe, think about nothing for a few moments. Meet someone you'd never be inclined to talk to. I always that living your life to the fullest meant you're never home. No, it just means enjoy your life how it is, if you think it's dull spice it up a little. You can live life to the fullest by just enjoying your surroundings. I enjoy how my life is right now, I want more things than I can have and hopefully by the time June rolls around I'll slowly be working my way towards owning those things. Until then, I'm going to start enjoying my life, rather than doing something that just bores me to tears.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
The Giggle Massacre
Six months ago you would never be able to tell that my shape comes from my entertainment. I had no shape as of six months ago to be honest-bad relationships will do that to a girl. It is my five month-a-versary that I have been "keeping fit" by my multiple attacks of giggling. I never realized how great life was until I was alone and realizing I had been treated like trash for the past year. Liberating yourself is the key to happiness, but, one can never forget the intense outcomes a crush can have on someone's laugh intake.
It was one month to date that this guy decided to approach me. I had confessed my intense crush on him to my step-father (official in May) and annoyed him to get him to agree on a date. It never happened and I allowed my crush to dwindle--I never lost it though--and I realized that if he won't have me then he's missing out on one special girl, words from the wise? It's ironic because I met him when I was dating my loser ex, harsh but true, about a week before I flew off to Central America for a two week trip. I had my eye on him when we exchanged hellos. Even though my hello was a little hushed and muffled from the pool water being splashed in my face and my wonderful cousins wanting to swim with me some more. It was quick, but I knew for a fact this introduction wasn't to be a ''one night stand'' introduction. I was right, he was close to my step-brother, Dylan and it seemed as if they were inseparable over the course of the summer. Another run in with this McSteamy was around 9 am. A stupid and immature fight with that one of a kind little boy I was seeing left me in my over-sized D.A.R.E shirt, and my very very short P.J bottoms--what is a girl to do after a fight with a boy?!--I was awakened at 7am by the truck rumbling to life and hearing voices and things being thrown into the bed. I thought it was the gardeners...boy was I wrong. After dozing off for two hours I'm awakened again by my mother, step-brother and McSteamy. I drag my feet out of bed, contact-less...blind as a bat and my hair piled on top of my head...probably makeup smeared all over my face? I don't recall.
"GOOD MORNING MEREY MISS!" my overly chirpy mother adores this phrase early in the morning.
"Hi." as I walk to the fridge to scope out my breakfast my eyes widen as I saw the two tall men standing at my counter.
"Oh..hi guys" My attire couldn't be worst I thought. Many arguments with my boyfriend at the time shot through my head "YOU WORE THOSE AROUND HIM?! HOW COULD YOU?!" I pushed them away and coming up empty handed with food I grumble over to the computer hutch sit on the ground and read the texts he sent me last night.
I eye a nectarine and go in for the kill...maybe if I'm fast enough they won't catch my appearance. Dead wrong. Again. My mother decides to force me into conversation, I'm more than positive they thought I was glaring at them since I had to squint to see my opponents. I give them rude short answers to each question, each topic and I pretend to be engaged in the conversation as I eat my nectarine and check my phone--I was such a guy that day.
I knew from that moment that I admired McSteamy's presence and I enjoyed having him around, even though I was a complete stuck-up brat.
A few more run-ins popped up throughout my relationship with the "little boy" and a crush had secretly developed in my brain. Knowing that my relationship was a dud 3 months prior to the break up I started to think about my options and possible admirers. Yes, "McSteamy" came through my head a couple of these times. Finally after I became single I annoyed my step-father and told him that he has to fix this thing up. I wouldn't say he failed because McSteamy did come around. Of course weeks before he leaves for two years, but he still chased after me. Throughout our communications I don't think there was a dry eye and I realized a good friendship was forming, he held the giggle massacre, and it hasn't even stopped despite his absence.
I've been noticing how much better life has gotten for me, how this guy who appeared in my life, my plans for post-graduation are getting clearer as the days pass and the fact that my whole family is finally united in some way or another.
You need a giggle massacre, led by some cute guy who will be gone before you know it, physically gone...hopefully whoever gives you this great defeat will remain close and a good friend. My giggling has brought me to the conclusion that life isn't about how much money I should be making, where I rank with friends. My friends should all be equally ranked, my money will come and go but my smiles, my laughs, and my giggle massacres are what will glue me back together when I feel broken.
It's never too late to get started on making yourself happier. Maybe developing a crush can start you off to a never ending, high carb-causality, giggle massacre.
Enjoy!
It was one month to date that this guy decided to approach me. I had confessed my intense crush on him to my step-father (official in May) and annoyed him to get him to agree on a date. It never happened and I allowed my crush to dwindle--I never lost it though--and I realized that if he won't have me then he's missing out on one special girl, words from the wise? It's ironic because I met him when I was dating my loser ex, harsh but true, about a week before I flew off to Central America for a two week trip. I had my eye on him when we exchanged hellos. Even though my hello was a little hushed and muffled from the pool water being splashed in my face and my wonderful cousins wanting to swim with me some more. It was quick, but I knew for a fact this introduction wasn't to be a ''one night stand'' introduction. I was right, he was close to my step-brother, Dylan and it seemed as if they were inseparable over the course of the summer. Another run in with this McSteamy was around 9 am. A stupid and immature fight with that one of a kind little boy I was seeing left me in my over-sized D.A.R.E shirt, and my very very short P.J bottoms--what is a girl to do after a fight with a boy?!--I was awakened at 7am by the truck rumbling to life and hearing voices and things being thrown into the bed. I thought it was the gardeners...boy was I wrong. After dozing off for two hours I'm awakened again by my mother, step-brother and McSteamy. I drag my feet out of bed, contact-less...blind as a bat and my hair piled on top of my head...probably makeup smeared all over my face? I don't recall.
"GOOD MORNING MEREY MISS!" my overly chirpy mother adores this phrase early in the morning.
"Hi." as I walk to the fridge to scope out my breakfast my eyes widen as I saw the two tall men standing at my counter.
"Oh..hi guys" My attire couldn't be worst I thought. Many arguments with my boyfriend at the time shot through my head "YOU WORE THOSE AROUND HIM?! HOW COULD YOU?!" I pushed them away and coming up empty handed with food I grumble over to the computer hutch sit on the ground and read the texts he sent me last night.
I eye a nectarine and go in for the kill...maybe if I'm fast enough they won't catch my appearance. Dead wrong. Again. My mother decides to force me into conversation, I'm more than positive they thought I was glaring at them since I had to squint to see my opponents. I give them rude short answers to each question, each topic and I pretend to be engaged in the conversation as I eat my nectarine and check my phone--I was such a guy that day.
I knew from that moment that I admired McSteamy's presence and I enjoyed having him around, even though I was a complete stuck-up brat.
A few more run-ins popped up throughout my relationship with the "little boy" and a crush had secretly developed in my brain. Knowing that my relationship was a dud 3 months prior to the break up I started to think about my options and possible admirers. Yes, "McSteamy" came through my head a couple of these times. Finally after I became single I annoyed my step-father and told him that he has to fix this thing up. I wouldn't say he failed because McSteamy did come around. Of course weeks before he leaves for two years, but he still chased after me. Throughout our communications I don't think there was a dry eye and I realized a good friendship was forming, he held the giggle massacre, and it hasn't even stopped despite his absence.
I've been noticing how much better life has gotten for me, how this guy who appeared in my life, my plans for post-graduation are getting clearer as the days pass and the fact that my whole family is finally united in some way or another.
You need a giggle massacre, led by some cute guy who will be gone before you know it, physically gone...hopefully whoever gives you this great defeat will remain close and a good friend. My giggling has brought me to the conclusion that life isn't about how much money I should be making, where I rank with friends. My friends should all be equally ranked, my money will come and go but my smiles, my laughs, and my giggle massacres are what will glue me back together when I feel broken.
It's never too late to get started on making yourself happier. Maybe developing a crush can start you off to a never ending, high carb-causality, giggle massacre.
Enjoy!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Houston We Have a Problem. 1/21
It is NASA's biggest fear when they hear these five frightful words. Panic mode sets in and in those minutes-prayers are uttered, hope is loss and submission occurs everywhere. Just like a NASA space mission, we all have our code reds in life.
It's funny how life can change so quickly right in front of you. One minute you're laughing at how funny your young dad is, the next you're stressing out about money and your five year plan. Never having to worry is one of the biggest things I miss most about being a kid. I remember constantly wishing ot be 16 and the ability to go out on dates and drive. Now, my constant wish is to go back to Apple Hollow Cove and play night games with my old friends. I'm more than ready to be out on my own-the only thing holding me back is not being under the direct care of my parents-even though I barely admit it. I would kill for another day being ten and going out with my dad for a personal day with him along with getting my haircut and playing video games at the same time (geeky, I know). I miss being innocent and worry-free. It seems as though every time I strive to be successful there's always that one thing that will get in my way.
Charlie decided to break down and as in my last blog, I received a generous offer from my step-dad-to-be. My job allows me to pay back in full by February, I was on a roll with the payment schedule until friends and irresistibly fun nights got the best of me. Now my accounts are looking a little blue and my goal to 4G by June is going down the drain. I guess you can never really have control over what happens, you can just have an influence. I have come to the forlorn conclusion that a third job will answer my prayers.
We can always be worry-free in our own ways. For example-I'm not concerned about a boy getting in my way because I've removed the chance of being swooned and charmed and locked it up for the next five years. My version of night-games is homework and sleep-I'll become carefree in my dreams, where life's problems are in MY control.
The point for my preaching is that you can't allow yourself to succumb to these evil worries adult life decides to batter us with. Become worry's worst nightmare and kick him where it hurts. Show that ex of yours that they aren't worth even half of a milli-second of your lovely time. Show your retched boss that you CAN eat nails for breakfast-capture their expression once the imp9ossible has been done. Every rocket ship has it's failure, but have you ever heard of that rocket ship giving up? I haven't. Not yet.
Lesson Learned:
Love the ones who try to ruin your day, week, or life. Why? Because in the end when they come to YOU for help; you can tell 'em to kiss you sweet little hiney GOODBYE. Then you'll know they finally learned their lesson and you succeeded :)
It's funny how life can change so quickly right in front of you. One minute you're laughing at how funny your young dad is, the next you're stressing out about money and your five year plan. Never having to worry is one of the biggest things I miss most about being a kid. I remember constantly wishing ot be 16 and the ability to go out on dates and drive. Now, my constant wish is to go back to Apple Hollow Cove and play night games with my old friends. I'm more than ready to be out on my own-the only thing holding me back is not being under the direct care of my parents-even though I barely admit it. I would kill for another day being ten and going out with my dad for a personal day with him along with getting my haircut and playing video games at the same time (geeky, I know). I miss being innocent and worry-free. It seems as though every time I strive to be successful there's always that one thing that will get in my way.
Charlie decided to break down and as in my last blog, I received a generous offer from my step-dad-to-be. My job allows me to pay back in full by February, I was on a roll with the payment schedule until friends and irresistibly fun nights got the best of me. Now my accounts are looking a little blue and my goal to 4G by June is going down the drain. I guess you can never really have control over what happens, you can just have an influence. I have come to the forlorn conclusion that a third job will answer my prayers.
We can always be worry-free in our own ways. For example-I'm not concerned about a boy getting in my way because I've removed the chance of being swooned and charmed and locked it up for the next five years. My version of night-games is homework and sleep-I'll become carefree in my dreams, where life's problems are in MY control.
The point for my preaching is that you can't allow yourself to succumb to these evil worries adult life decides to batter us with. Become worry's worst nightmare and kick him where it hurts. Show that ex of yours that they aren't worth even half of a milli-second of your lovely time. Show your retched boss that you CAN eat nails for breakfast-capture their expression once the imp9ossible has been done. Every rocket ship has it's failure, but have you ever heard of that rocket ship giving up? I haven't. Not yet.
Lesson Learned:
Love the ones who try to ruin your day, week, or life. Why? Because in the end when they come to YOU for help; you can tell 'em to kiss you sweet little hiney GOODBYE. Then you'll know they finally learned their lesson and you succeeded :)
A Child's Gift-1/18
As I sit at the park with Baby I see all types of children, parents and people. Excitement is in the air even though Baby is asleep and I'm left without a partner to celebrate. I plug in my music and observe the day. There is one little boy who catches my eye, the little blond haired child who is going around asking every kid their name and if they'd like to play with him. I smile to myself as I think about how my childhood play-dates were way back when.
When I was about four, my little family and I lived in the "duck" apartments in Holladay Utah where I had a deaf best friend-Courtney who lived in the building. We both had a disability, I couldn't speak and she couldn't hear very well(only with the help of hearing aids)-we understood each other perfectly, yes a four year old can understand hardships they aren't aliens! Courtney stood up for me when our brothers and neighborhood kids would mimic the way I spoke. In return I stood up for her any way I could when they would make her do crazy things, like walk in the snow...barefoot.
Her older brother told her walking in the snow as cool and she had to do it if we ever wanted to see our Chelsea barbies ever again. I tried to yell at him but he just laughed and shoved me aside-That was it for me, he pushed my red button too many times to let this one slide. I wasn't going to stand for this anymore. Courtney-crying, took off her boots as well as her hearing aids (I still get why she did it) she tucked her socks and her aids into her boots, I was quick to follow her as her brother started to get angry that I was following along. We began to walk to the apartment in the three-foot high freezing cold snow. I stuck my hands into the icy snow to show her jerk of a brother just how "cool" it was. I rolled up a ball and hurled it at him yelling every mean word my four-year-old mind ever knew. Court followed my example and we sent him running away to find our barbies. He was never rude to us again and we always invited him to play with us...just for fun. This wasn't the only incident we encountered together, we got sand thrown at us in the apartment playground and names yelled at us constantly. We befriended each of our bullies and showed them we weren't stupid and dumb like they assumed we were. Courtney moved away before my mother remarried and we moved shortly after her departure. I'll never forget my play-dates with her and how much carefree fun we had invented for ourselves.
Just like this little boy at the park I realize that without humility and kindness no one can truly be considered a good person. It is one of my many new years resolutions to embrace this theory of life and see how far it gets me in my few months left in high school. You can only hope for the best in life, but, in order for hopes to become dreams and for dreams to become reality there must be some selfless acts. Give to people not to benefit yourself but solely to receive a smile and anew friend. Go the park and relive your childhood life, in the end memories are all we have.
Lesson Learned:
We all have to act like a four-year-old sometimes to become better people.
When I was about four, my little family and I lived in the "duck" apartments in Holladay Utah where I had a deaf best friend-Courtney who lived in the building. We both had a disability, I couldn't speak and she couldn't hear very well(only with the help of hearing aids)-we understood each other perfectly, yes a four year old can understand hardships they aren't aliens! Courtney stood up for me when our brothers and neighborhood kids would mimic the way I spoke. In return I stood up for her any way I could when they would make her do crazy things, like walk in the snow...barefoot.
Her older brother told her walking in the snow as cool and she had to do it if we ever wanted to see our Chelsea barbies ever again. I tried to yell at him but he just laughed and shoved me aside-That was it for me, he pushed my red button too many times to let this one slide. I wasn't going to stand for this anymore. Courtney-crying, took off her boots as well as her hearing aids (I still get why she did it) she tucked her socks and her aids into her boots, I was quick to follow her as her brother started to get angry that I was following along. We began to walk to the apartment in the three-foot high freezing cold snow. I stuck my hands into the icy snow to show her jerk of a brother just how "cool" it was. I rolled up a ball and hurled it at him yelling every mean word my four-year-old mind ever knew. Court followed my example and we sent him running away to find our barbies. He was never rude to us again and we always invited him to play with us...just for fun. This wasn't the only incident we encountered together, we got sand thrown at us in the apartment playground and names yelled at us constantly. We befriended each of our bullies and showed them we weren't stupid and dumb like they assumed we were. Courtney moved away before my mother remarried and we moved shortly after her departure. I'll never forget my play-dates with her and how much carefree fun we had invented for ourselves.
Just like this little boy at the park I realize that without humility and kindness no one can truly be considered a good person. It is one of my many new years resolutions to embrace this theory of life and see how far it gets me in my few months left in high school. You can only hope for the best in life, but, in order for hopes to become dreams and for dreams to become reality there must be some selfless acts. Give to people not to benefit yourself but solely to receive a smile and anew friend. Go the park and relive your childhood life, in the end memories are all we have.
Lesson Learned:
We all have to act like a four-year-old sometimes to become better people.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Resolve
The gloom shines into my room as I wake up to January 1, 2010. My friend is still asleep and I feel tired and annoyed, and I don't even know why. I thought that my waking up to a new year would be bright and full of exciting little events, boy was I wrong. We wake up and eat some eggs, watch some Seinfeld as we munch on Frosted Flakes reminiscing about our successful new years eve. Rewinding a few days back my faithful Charlie broke down-hundreds to fix and no money to fix it with. My mother decides she wants to offer help. Help...what a great word, giving someone something that they can't attain on their own-a good deed, a priceless offer. Not here. In order to receive this lifesaving "helpful" offer I must first do the one thing I swore I would never do. Every time I try to speak about it, I'm starting a fight and being demanding. I try to breathe and think about what the mature approach is without boiling over. I try and fail. She just won't listen to what I have to say. Maybe because she can't allow herself to think that I would do something like this-the daughter who was her puppet for so long, the daughter who had her back, the one who would obey her every word, the one she depended on for favors. It's hard to let someone know that you're not the person they want you to be. You can't be that person, it's too difficult and it's like watching someone else live your life. It's not you, you itch to be your true self. Only to realize that change comes with a price. You can either be accepted by your loved ones, or harshly rejected. Sadly the price I'm paying is a harsh slap in the face, after spilling out my true feelings of being unappreciated, a burden and altogether just a body in a house. I get the confirmation I feared. She doesn't deny it all she says is "So it's my fault". Blood boiling and tears flowing I try again, same response. I'm thinking to myself "come on, just see it from my perspective". Unfortunately for someone who's been through too much in their life they decide to rule out your feelings and make them their own. Accepting defeat she decides to grab my car which has now been fixed (but I can't have it) and unsafely drive it to Saratoga.
I'm prepared for the new family to judge and to hear her side of the story and her only way of getting sympathy is to put the world on her shoulders when in reality, the world is too busy jumping on others backs, so she just paints the picture that it's there.
I'm not a bad daughter-I don't disobey deliberately and when I do it's always something small. There's so many rules to follow it's hard to obey every single one. Especially when it involves a personal decision that only YOU will make. Yes, everything is a personal choice, but the majority of the time it affects other people. The choice I made affects only me. But sadly, she'll never be able to accept the fact that this is beyond her control. I tried my hardest to make her see the light, but you can't push free will. So here i am letting go, maybe just maybe she'll want to understand.
Writing this pessimistic blog makes me think about the spot removing spray "Resolve" no matter how much you spray onto a huge messy stain, there will always be a little spot left, it'll go away on it's own or maybe you need to spray it a little more and you'll resolve your huge messy stain saga :)
Lesson learned:
The only way you can resolve a problem like this is to try your best and if your best isn't good enough, maybe that person doesn't want to accept your best. So let it go-they are who they are, they are never going to change so don't hope for the one day they will because it is never going to come. Accept defeat every now and then maybe it'll be worth it, maybe it won't. But life will go on!
I'm prepared for the new family to judge and to hear her side of the story and her only way of getting sympathy is to put the world on her shoulders when in reality, the world is too busy jumping on others backs, so she just paints the picture that it's there.
I'm not a bad daughter-I don't disobey deliberately and when I do it's always something small. There's so many rules to follow it's hard to obey every single one. Especially when it involves a personal decision that only YOU will make. Yes, everything is a personal choice, but the majority of the time it affects other people. The choice I made affects only me. But sadly, she'll never be able to accept the fact that this is beyond her control. I tried my hardest to make her see the light, but you can't push free will. So here i am letting go, maybe just maybe she'll want to understand.
Writing this pessimistic blog makes me think about the spot removing spray "Resolve" no matter how much you spray onto a huge messy stain, there will always be a little spot left, it'll go away on it's own or maybe you need to spray it a little more and you'll resolve your huge messy stain saga :)
Lesson learned:
The only way you can resolve a problem like this is to try your best and if your best isn't good enough, maybe that person doesn't want to accept your best. So let it go-they are who they are, they are never going to change so don't hope for the one day they will because it is never going to come. Accept defeat every now and then maybe it'll be worth it, maybe it won't. But life will go on!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
'Tis the Season!
Happy Holidays everyone! I've been hit with so many great ideas for lessons on life that I can't choose one! And then I stumbled across something when I was walking with the baby I nanny the other day!
It's the official season of giving and to love.
This may seem extremely cliche but sometimes those "lame" cliche's hold great meanings and cute little lessons for all of us to indulge in. As I was walking with Baby (the official name for the kid) we came across an old couple who had just finished an argument over what daughter to visit for the holidays. They ended the argument as soon as they saw us strolling down the sidewalk and the minute we were out of THEIR hearing range (which wasn't that far) I heard them makeup and agree that the point of the holidays wasn't about money and who's more important; it's about giving and being joyous about doing so. (My take on the conversation of course) This made me realize that I shouldn't need to allow my lack of money to decide what I'm going to be giving. If I want to give a loved one a hand-knitted sweater...regarding the fact that I can't even knit at all, I CAN do it, they don't care if it doesn't have a price tag, it only matters that you thought about what THEY needed and what THEY wanted. Not what you could maybe do for them, or that giving had a budget.
Another thing I've noticed over the past few weeks is the importance of family. My family has been through plenty, and I've given them some big pills to swallow when I was starting out in highschool. I'm amazed that they love me as they do, and they're so willing to please me. It's a refreshing feeling to have someone WANT to do something for me rather than the other way around. I'll admit I've been quite the grinch about somethings in my family, and now that I've been able to look at myself differently I've decided that I was being spoiled, ungrateful and just a complete snob to the people who love me the most. Lately I've been feeling too happy to care about the negativity in my life, and I've also realized that so many people will allow one thing to ruin such a great day, and they're willing to blame the people who love them the most for it.
No matter how rough your day was, or how hard your life may seem, don't ever tell the people you love how hard they make it for you. Because in reality, you're the only person who can change your life. A rough day may be influenced by someone or something, but you're the only person who can change the day around. You don't have to have a rough day, and your life may be hard, but think about the bigger picture. Is your life REALLY harder than an orphans who may never have a family again? Is life harder than the lives of those who can only afford to eat one day out of the week, two weeks maybe even a month? If it is, then you should go find someone who's life is just as horrible and see that they don't allow it to define them. They aren't crippled because of their life and they can be happy without food, because they're too busy enjoying whatever LIFE they do have. Turn your day around yourself, you don't need to have someone take charge of your day and life. You're able to do things yourself and cheer yourself up, if you think you're incapable than go do some volunteer work, play with a dog, do something that you know will make you smile and forget about your bad day.
The holidays aren't for worrying about money and negativity. It's about giving, loving and smiling. There's nothing too big or too small that you can't enjoy, wake up and smell the pine, 'Tis the season!
Lesson Learned: Indulge yourself in everything around you, love the people who are in your life and give thanks to the man who knows everything for giving you the opportunity to enjoy such a gift.
It's the official season of giving and to love.
This may seem extremely cliche but sometimes those "lame" cliche's hold great meanings and cute little lessons for all of us to indulge in. As I was walking with Baby (the official name for the kid) we came across an old couple who had just finished an argument over what daughter to visit for the holidays. They ended the argument as soon as they saw us strolling down the sidewalk and the minute we were out of THEIR hearing range (which wasn't that far) I heard them makeup and agree that the point of the holidays wasn't about money and who's more important; it's about giving and being joyous about doing so. (My take on the conversation of course) This made me realize that I shouldn't need to allow my lack of money to decide what I'm going to be giving. If I want to give a loved one a hand-knitted sweater...regarding the fact that I can't even knit at all, I CAN do it, they don't care if it doesn't have a price tag, it only matters that you thought about what THEY needed and what THEY wanted. Not what you could maybe do for them, or that giving had a budget.
Another thing I've noticed over the past few weeks is the importance of family. My family has been through plenty, and I've given them some big pills to swallow when I was starting out in highschool. I'm amazed that they love me as they do, and they're so willing to please me. It's a refreshing feeling to have someone WANT to do something for me rather than the other way around. I'll admit I've been quite the grinch about somethings in my family, and now that I've been able to look at myself differently I've decided that I was being spoiled, ungrateful and just a complete snob to the people who love me the most. Lately I've been feeling too happy to care about the negativity in my life, and I've also realized that so many people will allow one thing to ruin such a great day, and they're willing to blame the people who love them the most for it.
No matter how rough your day was, or how hard your life may seem, don't ever tell the people you love how hard they make it for you. Because in reality, you're the only person who can change your life. A rough day may be influenced by someone or something, but you're the only person who can change the day around. You don't have to have a rough day, and your life may be hard, but think about the bigger picture. Is your life REALLY harder than an orphans who may never have a family again? Is life harder than the lives of those who can only afford to eat one day out of the week, two weeks maybe even a month? If it is, then you should go find someone who's life is just as horrible and see that they don't allow it to define them. They aren't crippled because of their life and they can be happy without food, because they're too busy enjoying whatever LIFE they do have. Turn your day around yourself, you don't need to have someone take charge of your day and life. You're able to do things yourself and cheer yourself up, if you think you're incapable than go do some volunteer work, play with a dog, do something that you know will make you smile and forget about your bad day.
The holidays aren't for worrying about money and negativity. It's about giving, loving and smiling. There's nothing too big or too small that you can't enjoy, wake up and smell the pine, 'Tis the season!
Lesson Learned: Indulge yourself in everything around you, love the people who are in your life and give thanks to the man who knows everything for giving you the opportunity to enjoy such a gift.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Stay Strong.
No man is worth your tears and the one that is won't make you cry --- Brian Littrell
Relationships can be hard, especially if you're being abused and you're in high school. Lately I've been noticing there are a lot more abusive relationships than there are good ones. It's such a sad thing to see, and even worse, I've been involved in these three times. My freshman year I was in such a horrible relationship with a Senior at my high school. Cheating, threats, sometimes physical fights that were said to be "just goofing around". Disturbing text messages, voice mails and even worse, a stalker who stole my house key and locked my door to try to get me back. If only I had learned from my mom's abusive marriage which affected us all.
Jim wasn't the ordinary guy you met, he charmed us all and even worse we believed his silly lies. WE all put up with his abuse, we never said anything until things got out of hand and he took in a whole other family. We moved into my mom's best friend's house for 2 weeks to pack up, and every time we went to pack up our stuff our soon to be ex-family always had something to yell or say under their breath. I was too young to realize what he put my mom through emotionally and even worse, how it affected me. We moved to California before the divorce was final and I was fifteen falling for a guy who did the exact same thing my ex-step dad had. He emotionally abused me. Constantly. Being in such a vulnerable place in your life and being so naive and young is the worst time to begin a relationship with someone. I was always wrong in his eyes and when I would say no to something he couldn't get it through his pea-sized brain that I meant it. Of course I never did, and he knew that. He saw my weaknesses, he knew me inside and out he knew how to manipulate me, and better yet how to get me to take him back. After constantly catching him with other girls and putting up with his lies and his abuse towards me I told him I don't ever want to see him again. I was serious, and I thought I had seen the last of him. I was extremely wrong. He was in my World History class and god bless my teacher who knew what was going on, he sat us apart, but that didn't stop him from getting to me. He used my friends, and even worse he stole my house key out of my backpack. I was at home due to a broken tailbone and napping when I was woken up by his face in front of mine, my bedroom door shut and him saying "I just want to talk". I could never thank God for signaling my mom to get home ASAP. She got home and I was so thankful for an excuse to get out. It didn't stop there, he hid in my closet and stupid 15 year old me I lied to try to help him while he stood in front of my door, my mom rammed my door open..breaking my pinky toe, but she got him out of the house by..basically beating him up. The following week I received voice mails, texts, and messages on myspace from him, just completely creeping me out. My mom and I went to the police to get a restraining order we had a great officer on the job until some other officer stepped into interview the guy...only to be convinced by him that I was the stalker and that I'm making everything up because I'm a freshman who wants a Senior. The officer believed it and told me if it happens again then I can call the police and we'll get a restraining order. The next day my little sister and I heard thumps on our roof...not just squirrel thumps, footsteps and slides. He was the only person who knew where I lived. We called the police they brought dogs and had their batons ready. He jumped off just in time and who knows where he went. But they didn't do anything. I was 15 with a stalker ex boyfriend who just couldn't let go of a "freshman girl". You would only hope I had learned from my mistake, but I didn't. My last relationship was full of lies, manipulation and total emotional abuse. I was living in denial and my family gave up on me. I thought he was a different person but I forgot about the charm some of these people have, and how strong it is when such a great manipulator holds the magical power. I lost friends, he tried to tell me what to wear, and again, I was always wrong even though I knew I was right 98% of the time. He scared me when he got mad, he had a split personality, happy and then yelling and pounding on things. I know it's not a good idea to be writing all of this but every abuser needs to be exposed. He threatened me constantly with ending the relationship and telling me he can get any girl he wants, I'm not the best out there and the best one yet "you will never be right". Girls, you should never feel like belittled, and disrespected when you think you're in love. Don't take guys who have been known to get a lot of girls, they have a charm that they'll use on you and you won't be able to say no. Trust me. They never mean it when they say they're sorry, or that they will change. GUYS WILL NEVER CHANGE FOR YOU. It takes years of therapy, life experiences and total will power to change a person. If you feel scared when you get into an argument, you aren't in a good place. When I was talking to my dad about him he told me "You have to let go of the emotional aspect and think logically". (Listen to Taylor Swift hehe). If your best friend doesn't like the guy there's a reason, I knew my best friend wouldn't like him so I prolonged them meeting. Can you say stupid? While I was at work today I came across an article in cosmopolitan, a girl who had broken up with her boyfriend was murdered. They remained friends, even though he was an emotional abuser. I realized that my mom and I could have been murdered or brutally beaten. I wished someone had told me about these signs earlier so I wouldn't have felt so unsafe about who I was with and putting myself in constant danger. A guy could be extremely sweet, but every person as a breaking point. I read these signs with my mom and every single sign made us think about our exes.
"Signs a guy could snap"
*Possessiveness-he becomes increasingly jealous of your time and tries to control who you see, what you do, where you go, maybe even the clothes you wear.
*Sudden personality shifts-he can transform swiftly from a gentle Dr.Jekyll type into a scary, angry Mr. Hyde persona
*Blaming-he makes it seem like you're wrong (and he's right) about everything and any of his problems that come up are your fault
*Demands-He doesn't take no for an answer, and you realize that his "requests" are actually "demands"
*Threats-he uses coercive psychological tactics like tears, rage, badgering, and threatening to end the relationship.
*Suicidal comments-a huge red flag-he may resort to this when it seems like nothing is working. But if he's willing to even think about it or say it, he's getting dangerously desperate. What begins as suicidal could end as murderous.
Girls, please don't ignore the signs. Yes, your boyfriend could be the best in the world, but just keep these in mind.
Any boys that read this-don't ever make your girlfriend or a GIRL feel endangered, learn how to deal with rejection and how to respect the girl's feelings. You don't want to be accountable for ending a life.
Abuse is serious and it should never be taken lightly. All throughout your life people speak about it, take action and help others who are being abused. They need all the help they can get.
Lesson Learned:Relationships are best if you're out of high school. Family knows you best and you always need another perspective if you're with someone. Take people's advice, consider critique. It's only given to help you see from a different perspective.
Don't be a victim STAY STRONG!
A great site to help teens being abused in any way possible!
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
Relationships can be hard, especially if you're being abused and you're in high school. Lately I've been noticing there are a lot more abusive relationships than there are good ones. It's such a sad thing to see, and even worse, I've been involved in these three times. My freshman year I was in such a horrible relationship with a Senior at my high school. Cheating, threats, sometimes physical fights that were said to be "just goofing around". Disturbing text messages, voice mails and even worse, a stalker who stole my house key and locked my door to try to get me back. If only I had learned from my mom's abusive marriage which affected us all.
Jim wasn't the ordinary guy you met, he charmed us all and even worse we believed his silly lies. WE all put up with his abuse, we never said anything until things got out of hand and he took in a whole other family. We moved into my mom's best friend's house for 2 weeks to pack up, and every time we went to pack up our stuff our soon to be ex-family always had something to yell or say under their breath. I was too young to realize what he put my mom through emotionally and even worse, how it affected me. We moved to California before the divorce was final and I was fifteen falling for a guy who did the exact same thing my ex-step dad had. He emotionally abused me. Constantly. Being in such a vulnerable place in your life and being so naive and young is the worst time to begin a relationship with someone. I was always wrong in his eyes and when I would say no to something he couldn't get it through his pea-sized brain that I meant it. Of course I never did, and he knew that. He saw my weaknesses, he knew me inside and out he knew how to manipulate me, and better yet how to get me to take him back. After constantly catching him with other girls and putting up with his lies and his abuse towards me I told him I don't ever want to see him again. I was serious, and I thought I had seen the last of him. I was extremely wrong. He was in my World History class and god bless my teacher who knew what was going on, he sat us apart, but that didn't stop him from getting to me. He used my friends, and even worse he stole my house key out of my backpack. I was at home due to a broken tailbone and napping when I was woken up by his face in front of mine, my bedroom door shut and him saying "I just want to talk". I could never thank God for signaling my mom to get home ASAP. She got home and I was so thankful for an excuse to get out. It didn't stop there, he hid in my closet and stupid 15 year old me I lied to try to help him while he stood in front of my door, my mom rammed my door open..breaking my pinky toe, but she got him out of the house by..basically beating him up. The following week I received voice mails, texts, and messages on myspace from him, just completely creeping me out. My mom and I went to the police to get a restraining order we had a great officer on the job until some other officer stepped into interview the guy...only to be convinced by him that I was the stalker and that I'm making everything up because I'm a freshman who wants a Senior. The officer believed it and told me if it happens again then I can call the police and we'll get a restraining order. The next day my little sister and I heard thumps on our roof...not just squirrel thumps, footsteps and slides. He was the only person who knew where I lived. We called the police they brought dogs and had their batons ready. He jumped off just in time and who knows where he went. But they didn't do anything. I was 15 with a stalker ex boyfriend who just couldn't let go of a "freshman girl". You would only hope I had learned from my mistake, but I didn't. My last relationship was full of lies, manipulation and total emotional abuse. I was living in denial and my family gave up on me. I thought he was a different person but I forgot about the charm some of these people have, and how strong it is when such a great manipulator holds the magical power. I lost friends, he tried to tell me what to wear, and again, I was always wrong even though I knew I was right 98% of the time. He scared me when he got mad, he had a split personality, happy and then yelling and pounding on things. I know it's not a good idea to be writing all of this but every abuser needs to be exposed. He threatened me constantly with ending the relationship and telling me he can get any girl he wants, I'm not the best out there and the best one yet "you will never be right". Girls, you should never feel like belittled, and disrespected when you think you're in love. Don't take guys who have been known to get a lot of girls, they have a charm that they'll use on you and you won't be able to say no. Trust me. They never mean it when they say they're sorry, or that they will change. GUYS WILL NEVER CHANGE FOR YOU. It takes years of therapy, life experiences and total will power to change a person. If you feel scared when you get into an argument, you aren't in a good place. When I was talking to my dad about him he told me "You have to let go of the emotional aspect and think logically". (Listen to Taylor Swift hehe). If your best friend doesn't like the guy there's a reason, I knew my best friend wouldn't like him so I prolonged them meeting. Can you say stupid? While I was at work today I came across an article in cosmopolitan, a girl who had broken up with her boyfriend was murdered. They remained friends, even though he was an emotional abuser. I realized that my mom and I could have been murdered or brutally beaten. I wished someone had told me about these signs earlier so I wouldn't have felt so unsafe about who I was with and putting myself in constant danger. A guy could be extremely sweet, but every person as a breaking point. I read these signs with my mom and every single sign made us think about our exes.
"Signs a guy could snap"
*Possessiveness-he becomes increasingly jealous of your time and tries to control who you see, what you do, where you go, maybe even the clothes you wear.
*Sudden personality shifts-he can transform swiftly from a gentle Dr.Jekyll type into a scary, angry Mr. Hyde persona
*Blaming-he makes it seem like you're wrong (and he's right) about everything and any of his problems that come up are your fault
*Demands-He doesn't take no for an answer, and you realize that his "requests" are actually "demands"
*Threats-he uses coercive psychological tactics like tears, rage, badgering, and threatening to end the relationship.
*Suicidal comments-a huge red flag-he may resort to this when it seems like nothing is working. But if he's willing to even think about it or say it, he's getting dangerously desperate. What begins as suicidal could end as murderous.
Girls, please don't ignore the signs. Yes, your boyfriend could be the best in the world, but just keep these in mind.
Any boys that read this-don't ever make your girlfriend or a GIRL feel endangered, learn how to deal with rejection and how to respect the girl's feelings. You don't want to be accountable for ending a life.
Abuse is serious and it should never be taken lightly. All throughout your life people speak about it, take action and help others who are being abused. They need all the help they can get.
Lesson Learned:Relationships are best if you're out of high school. Family knows you best and you always need another perspective if you're with someone. Take people's advice, consider critique. It's only given to help you see from a different perspective.
Don't be a victim STAY STRONG!
A great site to help teens being abused in any way possible!
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
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