Happy Holidays everyone! I've been hit with so many great ideas for lessons on life that I can't choose one! And then I stumbled across something when I was walking with the baby I nanny the other day!
It's the official season of giving and to love.
This may seem extremely cliche but sometimes those "lame" cliche's hold great meanings and cute little lessons for all of us to indulge in. As I was walking with Baby (the official name for the kid) we came across an old couple who had just finished an argument over what daughter to visit for the holidays. They ended the argument as soon as they saw us strolling down the sidewalk and the minute we were out of THEIR hearing range (which wasn't that far) I heard them makeup and agree that the point of the holidays wasn't about money and who's more important; it's about giving and being joyous about doing so. (My take on the conversation of course) This made me realize that I shouldn't need to allow my lack of money to decide what I'm going to be giving. If I want to give a loved one a hand-knitted sweater...regarding the fact that I can't even knit at all, I CAN do it, they don't care if it doesn't have a price tag, it only matters that you thought about what THEY needed and what THEY wanted. Not what you could maybe do for them, or that giving had a budget.
Another thing I've noticed over the past few weeks is the importance of family. My family has been through plenty, and I've given them some big pills to swallow when I was starting out in highschool. I'm amazed that they love me as they do, and they're so willing to please me. It's a refreshing feeling to have someone WANT to do something for me rather than the other way around. I'll admit I've been quite the grinch about somethings in my family, and now that I've been able to look at myself differently I've decided that I was being spoiled, ungrateful and just a complete snob to the people who love me the most. Lately I've been feeling too happy to care about the negativity in my life, and I've also realized that so many people will allow one thing to ruin such a great day, and they're willing to blame the people who love them the most for it.
No matter how rough your day was, or how hard your life may seem, don't ever tell the people you love how hard they make it for you. Because in reality, you're the only person who can change your life. A rough day may be influenced by someone or something, but you're the only person who can change the day around. You don't have to have a rough day, and your life may be hard, but think about the bigger picture. Is your life REALLY harder than an orphans who may never have a family again? Is life harder than the lives of those who can only afford to eat one day out of the week, two weeks maybe even a month? If it is, then you should go find someone who's life is just as horrible and see that they don't allow it to define them. They aren't crippled because of their life and they can be happy without food, because they're too busy enjoying whatever LIFE they do have. Turn your day around yourself, you don't need to have someone take charge of your day and life. You're able to do things yourself and cheer yourself up, if you think you're incapable than go do some volunteer work, play with a dog, do something that you know will make you smile and forget about your bad day.
The holidays aren't for worrying about money and negativity. It's about giving, loving and smiling. There's nothing too big or too small that you can't enjoy, wake up and smell the pine, 'Tis the season!
Lesson Learned: Indulge yourself in everything around you, love the people who are in your life and give thanks to the man who knows everything for giving you the opportunity to enjoy such a gift.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Stay Strong.
No man is worth your tears and the one that is won't make you cry --- Brian Littrell
Relationships can be hard, especially if you're being abused and you're in high school. Lately I've been noticing there are a lot more abusive relationships than there are good ones. It's such a sad thing to see, and even worse, I've been involved in these three times. My freshman year I was in such a horrible relationship with a Senior at my high school. Cheating, threats, sometimes physical fights that were said to be "just goofing around". Disturbing text messages, voice mails and even worse, a stalker who stole my house key and locked my door to try to get me back. If only I had learned from my mom's abusive marriage which affected us all.
Jim wasn't the ordinary guy you met, he charmed us all and even worse we believed his silly lies. WE all put up with his abuse, we never said anything until things got out of hand and he took in a whole other family. We moved into my mom's best friend's house for 2 weeks to pack up, and every time we went to pack up our stuff our soon to be ex-family always had something to yell or say under their breath. I was too young to realize what he put my mom through emotionally and even worse, how it affected me. We moved to California before the divorce was final and I was fifteen falling for a guy who did the exact same thing my ex-step dad had. He emotionally abused me. Constantly. Being in such a vulnerable place in your life and being so naive and young is the worst time to begin a relationship with someone. I was always wrong in his eyes and when I would say no to something he couldn't get it through his pea-sized brain that I meant it. Of course I never did, and he knew that. He saw my weaknesses, he knew me inside and out he knew how to manipulate me, and better yet how to get me to take him back. After constantly catching him with other girls and putting up with his lies and his abuse towards me I told him I don't ever want to see him again. I was serious, and I thought I had seen the last of him. I was extremely wrong. He was in my World History class and god bless my teacher who knew what was going on, he sat us apart, but that didn't stop him from getting to me. He used my friends, and even worse he stole my house key out of my backpack. I was at home due to a broken tailbone and napping when I was woken up by his face in front of mine, my bedroom door shut and him saying "I just want to talk". I could never thank God for signaling my mom to get home ASAP. She got home and I was so thankful for an excuse to get out. It didn't stop there, he hid in my closet and stupid 15 year old me I lied to try to help him while he stood in front of my door, my mom rammed my door open..breaking my pinky toe, but she got him out of the house by..basically beating him up. The following week I received voice mails, texts, and messages on myspace from him, just completely creeping me out. My mom and I went to the police to get a restraining order we had a great officer on the job until some other officer stepped into interview the guy...only to be convinced by him that I was the stalker and that I'm making everything up because I'm a freshman who wants a Senior. The officer believed it and told me if it happens again then I can call the police and we'll get a restraining order. The next day my little sister and I heard thumps on our roof...not just squirrel thumps, footsteps and slides. He was the only person who knew where I lived. We called the police they brought dogs and had their batons ready. He jumped off just in time and who knows where he went. But they didn't do anything. I was 15 with a stalker ex boyfriend who just couldn't let go of a "freshman girl". You would only hope I had learned from my mistake, but I didn't. My last relationship was full of lies, manipulation and total emotional abuse. I was living in denial and my family gave up on me. I thought he was a different person but I forgot about the charm some of these people have, and how strong it is when such a great manipulator holds the magical power. I lost friends, he tried to tell me what to wear, and again, I was always wrong even though I knew I was right 98% of the time. He scared me when he got mad, he had a split personality, happy and then yelling and pounding on things. I know it's not a good idea to be writing all of this but every abuser needs to be exposed. He threatened me constantly with ending the relationship and telling me he can get any girl he wants, I'm not the best out there and the best one yet "you will never be right". Girls, you should never feel like belittled, and disrespected when you think you're in love. Don't take guys who have been known to get a lot of girls, they have a charm that they'll use on you and you won't be able to say no. Trust me. They never mean it when they say they're sorry, or that they will change. GUYS WILL NEVER CHANGE FOR YOU. It takes years of therapy, life experiences and total will power to change a person. If you feel scared when you get into an argument, you aren't in a good place. When I was talking to my dad about him he told me "You have to let go of the emotional aspect and think logically". (Listen to Taylor Swift hehe). If your best friend doesn't like the guy there's a reason, I knew my best friend wouldn't like him so I prolonged them meeting. Can you say stupid? While I was at work today I came across an article in cosmopolitan, a girl who had broken up with her boyfriend was murdered. They remained friends, even though he was an emotional abuser. I realized that my mom and I could have been murdered or brutally beaten. I wished someone had told me about these signs earlier so I wouldn't have felt so unsafe about who I was with and putting myself in constant danger. A guy could be extremely sweet, but every person as a breaking point. I read these signs with my mom and every single sign made us think about our exes.
"Signs a guy could snap"
*Possessiveness-he becomes increasingly jealous of your time and tries to control who you see, what you do, where you go, maybe even the clothes you wear.
*Sudden personality shifts-he can transform swiftly from a gentle Dr.Jekyll type into a scary, angry Mr. Hyde persona
*Blaming-he makes it seem like you're wrong (and he's right) about everything and any of his problems that come up are your fault
*Demands-He doesn't take no for an answer, and you realize that his "requests" are actually "demands"
*Threats-he uses coercive psychological tactics like tears, rage, badgering, and threatening to end the relationship.
*Suicidal comments-a huge red flag-he may resort to this when it seems like nothing is working. But if he's willing to even think about it or say it, he's getting dangerously desperate. What begins as suicidal could end as murderous.
Girls, please don't ignore the signs. Yes, your boyfriend could be the best in the world, but just keep these in mind.
Any boys that read this-don't ever make your girlfriend or a GIRL feel endangered, learn how to deal with rejection and how to respect the girl's feelings. You don't want to be accountable for ending a life.
Abuse is serious and it should never be taken lightly. All throughout your life people speak about it, take action and help others who are being abused. They need all the help they can get.
Lesson Learned:Relationships are best if you're out of high school. Family knows you best and you always need another perspective if you're with someone. Take people's advice, consider critique. It's only given to help you see from a different perspective.
Don't be a victim STAY STRONG!
A great site to help teens being abused in any way possible!
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
Relationships can be hard, especially if you're being abused and you're in high school. Lately I've been noticing there are a lot more abusive relationships than there are good ones. It's such a sad thing to see, and even worse, I've been involved in these three times. My freshman year I was in such a horrible relationship with a Senior at my high school. Cheating, threats, sometimes physical fights that were said to be "just goofing around". Disturbing text messages, voice mails and even worse, a stalker who stole my house key and locked my door to try to get me back. If only I had learned from my mom's abusive marriage which affected us all.
Jim wasn't the ordinary guy you met, he charmed us all and even worse we believed his silly lies. WE all put up with his abuse, we never said anything until things got out of hand and he took in a whole other family. We moved into my mom's best friend's house for 2 weeks to pack up, and every time we went to pack up our stuff our soon to be ex-family always had something to yell or say under their breath. I was too young to realize what he put my mom through emotionally and even worse, how it affected me. We moved to California before the divorce was final and I was fifteen falling for a guy who did the exact same thing my ex-step dad had. He emotionally abused me. Constantly. Being in such a vulnerable place in your life and being so naive and young is the worst time to begin a relationship with someone. I was always wrong in his eyes and when I would say no to something he couldn't get it through his pea-sized brain that I meant it. Of course I never did, and he knew that. He saw my weaknesses, he knew me inside and out he knew how to manipulate me, and better yet how to get me to take him back. After constantly catching him with other girls and putting up with his lies and his abuse towards me I told him I don't ever want to see him again. I was serious, and I thought I had seen the last of him. I was extremely wrong. He was in my World History class and god bless my teacher who knew what was going on, he sat us apart, but that didn't stop him from getting to me. He used my friends, and even worse he stole my house key out of my backpack. I was at home due to a broken tailbone and napping when I was woken up by his face in front of mine, my bedroom door shut and him saying "I just want to talk". I could never thank God for signaling my mom to get home ASAP. She got home and I was so thankful for an excuse to get out. It didn't stop there, he hid in my closet and stupid 15 year old me I lied to try to help him while he stood in front of my door, my mom rammed my door open..breaking my pinky toe, but she got him out of the house by..basically beating him up. The following week I received voice mails, texts, and messages on myspace from him, just completely creeping me out. My mom and I went to the police to get a restraining order we had a great officer on the job until some other officer stepped into interview the guy...only to be convinced by him that I was the stalker and that I'm making everything up because I'm a freshman who wants a Senior. The officer believed it and told me if it happens again then I can call the police and we'll get a restraining order. The next day my little sister and I heard thumps on our roof...not just squirrel thumps, footsteps and slides. He was the only person who knew where I lived. We called the police they brought dogs and had their batons ready. He jumped off just in time and who knows where he went. But they didn't do anything. I was 15 with a stalker ex boyfriend who just couldn't let go of a "freshman girl". You would only hope I had learned from my mistake, but I didn't. My last relationship was full of lies, manipulation and total emotional abuse. I was living in denial and my family gave up on me. I thought he was a different person but I forgot about the charm some of these people have, and how strong it is when such a great manipulator holds the magical power. I lost friends, he tried to tell me what to wear, and again, I was always wrong even though I knew I was right 98% of the time. He scared me when he got mad, he had a split personality, happy and then yelling and pounding on things. I know it's not a good idea to be writing all of this but every abuser needs to be exposed. He threatened me constantly with ending the relationship and telling me he can get any girl he wants, I'm not the best out there and the best one yet "you will never be right". Girls, you should never feel like belittled, and disrespected when you think you're in love. Don't take guys who have been known to get a lot of girls, they have a charm that they'll use on you and you won't be able to say no. Trust me. They never mean it when they say they're sorry, or that they will change. GUYS WILL NEVER CHANGE FOR YOU. It takes years of therapy, life experiences and total will power to change a person. If you feel scared when you get into an argument, you aren't in a good place. When I was talking to my dad about him he told me "You have to let go of the emotional aspect and think logically". (Listen to Taylor Swift hehe). If your best friend doesn't like the guy there's a reason, I knew my best friend wouldn't like him so I prolonged them meeting. Can you say stupid? While I was at work today I came across an article in cosmopolitan, a girl who had broken up with her boyfriend was murdered. They remained friends, even though he was an emotional abuser. I realized that my mom and I could have been murdered or brutally beaten. I wished someone had told me about these signs earlier so I wouldn't have felt so unsafe about who I was with and putting myself in constant danger. A guy could be extremely sweet, but every person as a breaking point. I read these signs with my mom and every single sign made us think about our exes.
"Signs a guy could snap"
*Possessiveness-he becomes increasingly jealous of your time and tries to control who you see, what you do, where you go, maybe even the clothes you wear.
*Sudden personality shifts-he can transform swiftly from a gentle Dr.Jekyll type into a scary, angry Mr. Hyde persona
*Blaming-he makes it seem like you're wrong (and he's right) about everything and any of his problems that come up are your fault
*Demands-He doesn't take no for an answer, and you realize that his "requests" are actually "demands"
*Threats-he uses coercive psychological tactics like tears, rage, badgering, and threatening to end the relationship.
*Suicidal comments-a huge red flag-he may resort to this when it seems like nothing is working. But if he's willing to even think about it or say it, he's getting dangerously desperate. What begins as suicidal could end as murderous.
Girls, please don't ignore the signs. Yes, your boyfriend could be the best in the world, but just keep these in mind.
Any boys that read this-don't ever make your girlfriend or a GIRL feel endangered, learn how to deal with rejection and how to respect the girl's feelings. You don't want to be accountable for ending a life.
Abuse is serious and it should never be taken lightly. All throughout your life people speak about it, take action and help others who are being abused. They need all the help they can get.
Lesson Learned:Relationships are best if you're out of high school. Family knows you best and you always need another perspective if you're with someone. Take people's advice, consider critique. It's only given to help you see from a different perspective.
Don't be a victim STAY STRONG!
A great site to help teens being abused in any way possible!
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
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