It is NASA's biggest fear when they hear these five frightful words. Panic mode sets in and in those minutes-prayers are uttered, hope is loss and submission occurs everywhere. Just like a NASA space mission, we all have our code reds in life.
It's funny how life can change so quickly right in front of you. One minute you're laughing at how funny your young dad is, the next you're stressing out about money and your five year plan. Never having to worry is one of the biggest things I miss most about being a kid. I remember constantly wishing ot be 16 and the ability to go out on dates and drive. Now, my constant wish is to go back to Apple Hollow Cove and play night games with my old friends. I'm more than ready to be out on my own-the only thing holding me back is not being under the direct care of my parents-even though I barely admit it. I would kill for another day being ten and going out with my dad for a personal day with him along with getting my haircut and playing video games at the same time (geeky, I know). I miss being innocent and worry-free. It seems as though every time I strive to be successful there's always that one thing that will get in my way.
Charlie decided to break down and as in my last blog, I received a generous offer from my step-dad-to-be. My job allows me to pay back in full by February, I was on a roll with the payment schedule until friends and irresistibly fun nights got the best of me. Now my accounts are looking a little blue and my goal to 4G by June is going down the drain. I guess you can never really have control over what happens, you can just have an influence. I have come to the forlorn conclusion that a third job will answer my prayers.
We can always be worry-free in our own ways. For example-I'm not concerned about a boy getting in my way because I've removed the chance of being swooned and charmed and locked it up for the next five years. My version of night-games is homework and sleep-I'll become carefree in my dreams, where life's problems are in MY control.
The point for my preaching is that you can't allow yourself to succumb to these evil worries adult life decides to batter us with. Become worry's worst nightmare and kick him where it hurts. Show that ex of yours that they aren't worth even half of a milli-second of your lovely time. Show your retched boss that you CAN eat nails for breakfast-capture their expression once the imp9ossible has been done. Every rocket ship has it's failure, but have you ever heard of that rocket ship giving up? I haven't. Not yet.
Lesson Learned:
Love the ones who try to ruin your day, week, or life. Why? Because in the end when they come to YOU for help; you can tell 'em to kiss you sweet little hiney GOODBYE. Then you'll know they finally learned their lesson and you succeeded :)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
A Child's Gift-1/18
As I sit at the park with Baby I see all types of children, parents and people. Excitement is in the air even though Baby is asleep and I'm left without a partner to celebrate. I plug in my music and observe the day. There is one little boy who catches my eye, the little blond haired child who is going around asking every kid their name and if they'd like to play with him. I smile to myself as I think about how my childhood play-dates were way back when.
When I was about four, my little family and I lived in the "duck" apartments in Holladay Utah where I had a deaf best friend-Courtney who lived in the building. We both had a disability, I couldn't speak and she couldn't hear very well(only with the help of hearing aids)-we understood each other perfectly, yes a four year old can understand hardships they aren't aliens! Courtney stood up for me when our brothers and neighborhood kids would mimic the way I spoke. In return I stood up for her any way I could when they would make her do crazy things, like walk in the snow...barefoot.
Her older brother told her walking in the snow as cool and she had to do it if we ever wanted to see our Chelsea barbies ever again. I tried to yell at him but he just laughed and shoved me aside-That was it for me, he pushed my red button too many times to let this one slide. I wasn't going to stand for this anymore. Courtney-crying, took off her boots as well as her hearing aids (I still get why she did it) she tucked her socks and her aids into her boots, I was quick to follow her as her brother started to get angry that I was following along. We began to walk to the apartment in the three-foot high freezing cold snow. I stuck my hands into the icy snow to show her jerk of a brother just how "cool" it was. I rolled up a ball and hurled it at him yelling every mean word my four-year-old mind ever knew. Court followed my example and we sent him running away to find our barbies. He was never rude to us again and we always invited him to play with us...just for fun. This wasn't the only incident we encountered together, we got sand thrown at us in the apartment playground and names yelled at us constantly. We befriended each of our bullies and showed them we weren't stupid and dumb like they assumed we were. Courtney moved away before my mother remarried and we moved shortly after her departure. I'll never forget my play-dates with her and how much carefree fun we had invented for ourselves.
Just like this little boy at the park I realize that without humility and kindness no one can truly be considered a good person. It is one of my many new years resolutions to embrace this theory of life and see how far it gets me in my few months left in high school. You can only hope for the best in life, but, in order for hopes to become dreams and for dreams to become reality there must be some selfless acts. Give to people not to benefit yourself but solely to receive a smile and anew friend. Go the park and relive your childhood life, in the end memories are all we have.
Lesson Learned:
We all have to act like a four-year-old sometimes to become better people.
When I was about four, my little family and I lived in the "duck" apartments in Holladay Utah where I had a deaf best friend-Courtney who lived in the building. We both had a disability, I couldn't speak and she couldn't hear very well(only with the help of hearing aids)-we understood each other perfectly, yes a four year old can understand hardships they aren't aliens! Courtney stood up for me when our brothers and neighborhood kids would mimic the way I spoke. In return I stood up for her any way I could when they would make her do crazy things, like walk in the snow...barefoot.
Her older brother told her walking in the snow as cool and she had to do it if we ever wanted to see our Chelsea barbies ever again. I tried to yell at him but he just laughed and shoved me aside-That was it for me, he pushed my red button too many times to let this one slide. I wasn't going to stand for this anymore. Courtney-crying, took off her boots as well as her hearing aids (I still get why she did it) she tucked her socks and her aids into her boots, I was quick to follow her as her brother started to get angry that I was following along. We began to walk to the apartment in the three-foot high freezing cold snow. I stuck my hands into the icy snow to show her jerk of a brother just how "cool" it was. I rolled up a ball and hurled it at him yelling every mean word my four-year-old mind ever knew. Court followed my example and we sent him running away to find our barbies. He was never rude to us again and we always invited him to play with us...just for fun. This wasn't the only incident we encountered together, we got sand thrown at us in the apartment playground and names yelled at us constantly. We befriended each of our bullies and showed them we weren't stupid and dumb like they assumed we were. Courtney moved away before my mother remarried and we moved shortly after her departure. I'll never forget my play-dates with her and how much carefree fun we had invented for ourselves.
Just like this little boy at the park I realize that without humility and kindness no one can truly be considered a good person. It is one of my many new years resolutions to embrace this theory of life and see how far it gets me in my few months left in high school. You can only hope for the best in life, but, in order for hopes to become dreams and for dreams to become reality there must be some selfless acts. Give to people not to benefit yourself but solely to receive a smile and anew friend. Go the park and relive your childhood life, in the end memories are all we have.
Lesson Learned:
We all have to act like a four-year-old sometimes to become better people.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Resolve
The gloom shines into my room as I wake up to January 1, 2010. My friend is still asleep and I feel tired and annoyed, and I don't even know why. I thought that my waking up to a new year would be bright and full of exciting little events, boy was I wrong. We wake up and eat some eggs, watch some Seinfeld as we munch on Frosted Flakes reminiscing about our successful new years eve. Rewinding a few days back my faithful Charlie broke down-hundreds to fix and no money to fix it with. My mother decides she wants to offer help. Help...what a great word, giving someone something that they can't attain on their own-a good deed, a priceless offer. Not here. In order to receive this lifesaving "helpful" offer I must first do the one thing I swore I would never do. Every time I try to speak about it, I'm starting a fight and being demanding. I try to breathe and think about what the mature approach is without boiling over. I try and fail. She just won't listen to what I have to say. Maybe because she can't allow herself to think that I would do something like this-the daughter who was her puppet for so long, the daughter who had her back, the one who would obey her every word, the one she depended on for favors. It's hard to let someone know that you're not the person they want you to be. You can't be that person, it's too difficult and it's like watching someone else live your life. It's not you, you itch to be your true self. Only to realize that change comes with a price. You can either be accepted by your loved ones, or harshly rejected. Sadly the price I'm paying is a harsh slap in the face, after spilling out my true feelings of being unappreciated, a burden and altogether just a body in a house. I get the confirmation I feared. She doesn't deny it all she says is "So it's my fault". Blood boiling and tears flowing I try again, same response. I'm thinking to myself "come on, just see it from my perspective". Unfortunately for someone who's been through too much in their life they decide to rule out your feelings and make them their own. Accepting defeat she decides to grab my car which has now been fixed (but I can't have it) and unsafely drive it to Saratoga.
I'm prepared for the new family to judge and to hear her side of the story and her only way of getting sympathy is to put the world on her shoulders when in reality, the world is too busy jumping on others backs, so she just paints the picture that it's there.
I'm not a bad daughter-I don't disobey deliberately and when I do it's always something small. There's so many rules to follow it's hard to obey every single one. Especially when it involves a personal decision that only YOU will make. Yes, everything is a personal choice, but the majority of the time it affects other people. The choice I made affects only me. But sadly, she'll never be able to accept the fact that this is beyond her control. I tried my hardest to make her see the light, but you can't push free will. So here i am letting go, maybe just maybe she'll want to understand.
Writing this pessimistic blog makes me think about the spot removing spray "Resolve" no matter how much you spray onto a huge messy stain, there will always be a little spot left, it'll go away on it's own or maybe you need to spray it a little more and you'll resolve your huge messy stain saga :)
Lesson learned:
The only way you can resolve a problem like this is to try your best and if your best isn't good enough, maybe that person doesn't want to accept your best. So let it go-they are who they are, they are never going to change so don't hope for the one day they will because it is never going to come. Accept defeat every now and then maybe it'll be worth it, maybe it won't. But life will go on!
I'm prepared for the new family to judge and to hear her side of the story and her only way of getting sympathy is to put the world on her shoulders when in reality, the world is too busy jumping on others backs, so she just paints the picture that it's there.
I'm not a bad daughter-I don't disobey deliberately and when I do it's always something small. There's so many rules to follow it's hard to obey every single one. Especially when it involves a personal decision that only YOU will make. Yes, everything is a personal choice, but the majority of the time it affects other people. The choice I made affects only me. But sadly, she'll never be able to accept the fact that this is beyond her control. I tried my hardest to make her see the light, but you can't push free will. So here i am letting go, maybe just maybe she'll want to understand.
Writing this pessimistic blog makes me think about the spot removing spray "Resolve" no matter how much you spray onto a huge messy stain, there will always be a little spot left, it'll go away on it's own or maybe you need to spray it a little more and you'll resolve your huge messy stain saga :)
Lesson learned:
The only way you can resolve a problem like this is to try your best and if your best isn't good enough, maybe that person doesn't want to accept your best. So let it go-they are who they are, they are never going to change so don't hope for the one day they will because it is never going to come. Accept defeat every now and then maybe it'll be worth it, maybe it won't. But life will go on!
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