The little Meredith that Can!

Three months and no blogs?! No wonder I've been feeling a little off lately! The past three months have zipped on by faster than a group of nascars at a race. A move to Saratoga, the wedding, a baby shower, graduation, getting four teeth yanked out, another move back home, and now...just trying to survive off of a shot savings account. Rethinking my steps, I realized how fast I was running things and how I never took the time to just calm down and take things one at a time.
I find myself gaining inspiration and motivation from children's books..or movies, it may be the fact that I've taken care of children ever since I was eleven...seven years of babysitting and two years of being a nanny will change your life in ways you wouldn't expect to be changed.
Every movie, every picture book always has the recurring theme..or idea that we should never give up and give everything our very best effort. The classic example of this "easy idea" is Watty Piper's Little Engine that Could, this book was a hit amongst the family (never topped Heckedy Peg). I remember little bits of my childhood where I would find myself chanting the never ending saying, "I think I can, I think I can". Even now that same rhythm of words banded together runs through the back of my head when I feel like I need to give up. We all start at the bottom every few times in our life...that's a lie..we all start at the bottom at least every couple of years in our lives.
My move back home failed, every plan I made, every budget I slaved away at and squeezed money into places that never existed before, was ruined. I moved into a different place, without transportation..thanks to the wonderful planning on my part (joke). I underestimated the time to find a job once my finances went down the toilet, I'd love to thank California's traffic laws...you've really outdone yourself! Anyways, I finally found a job after a month of searching, thirty resumes sent out and approximately 35 applications "on file".. which I have found to be the worst two words to hear, you're either hiring or not! I found myself feeling like a burden on my sister, I hate when people have to help me, and I hate feeling helpless and like I'm always drowning, probably exactly how Piper wanted his engine to feel at the bottom. I'm beginning to learn the true meaning of patience, just like that blue engine.
My first chug up the hill started with a great person coming into my life and boosting my confidence enough to where I wasn't sulking and playing the "woe is me, my life is over" card. My second chug came from my family, always pushing me to go past my limits. You could probably guess by now this is the learning to love portion of the post! Ewan McGregor was right, all you need is love! Of course, I'm not saying I'm using love to get me through all these crappy situations, but it's definitely putting some fuel into my tank to get me to start chugging up my steep hill. I can't expect to get everything together just because I got a job..FINALLY. However, one step can open many, many doors.
For instance, my new job, that I've been praying to get for a while now, allows me to be in the atmosphere that's necessary for my career, I get the great opportunity for better positions and a great "in" with my new school. It's made me less fearful of my future, it's allowed me to budget again (my geeky obsession) and to start planning...all over again. Nobody said chugging up a steep hill would be pretty. I don't think I'll be getting up to the middle anytime soon, but I do think with my amazing new relationship and my new support system from my family, I can get there easier than Little Engine had it.
My next chug? Be with the ones I love the most, allow myself to fall back a little...hoping it'll give me more of a push to go forward, and my last planned step, keep GOING FORWARD.
If you can't get the simple meaning out of this great little book, the easiest one to see is to never allow yourself to look back and regret anything. Our progress is caused by our mistakes, our success keeps us up because it's caused by our fall backs, and our consistent chugging.
When we doubt ourselves, we allow our little engine to fall back further than a mistake would cause us to do so.
My lesson learned from this little life mishap is this: Love the ones that make you happy the most, be with the ones you fear the most, and never let that simple tune leave your head when you're at the bottom. Nobody starts at the top, we all have to start over at some point in our lives and no matter who hard it is, just keep thinking, "I think I can" and take one step at a time.