I know it may seem weird but, for some odd reason I get this gloomy, nothing-can-help feeling when someone..anyone dies. Nothing makes me happy...absolutely nothing, I'm always spacing out and I can't fully concentrate. I guess you can say I have a keen sense for death...how sad right?
Anyways, last wednesday, the 23rd of August, my grandpa Owen passed away during heart surgery. The day after I had made tons of money to "groove up" Charlie, My mom called me in Wal-Mart when I was buying cd cases for my visors. Literally the second I was walking into Wal-Mart I knew she had news of some sort of death, I freaked out thinking Grandma has. But no, it was Grandpa, I had no idea he went into surgery that day. My brain did an immediate shut down. I circle around Wal-Mart for about twenty minutes trying to find my way to the auto section, never realizing I passed it everytime I turned left. I found my cd cases as I breathe in deeply, shakily trying to save my break down for Charlie's ears. I couldn't stop thinking "why why why why?" I wanted both my Grandma AND Grandpa to see my graduation pictures, my tassle and cap my GOWN. I wanted them both to be at my wedding. My Grandma, bless her heart (no pun intended) has been fighting heart problems for I think, a good six years now. Every year it was "She won't make it past december" but she always kicked her medical problems in the hiney. I thought they both had a good twenty years in them. Of course, hopefully Grandma will. Many people I've talked to told me "it was his turn to share his life with god".
I cried the whole way back from Wal-Mart, it was too soon I was going to visit within 2 months, I wanted one last goodbye another one of his sweet, after-shave-smelling-cologne kisses. But someone up there saw a good time to press that huge, giant, taunting red DESTROY HAPPINESS, NEW CHALLENGE button. THANKS!
Grace and I left for Utah Friday morning thanks to our Uncle Randy who flew us out and got us an early flight. The past week hasn't been the best week. The weekend was one of the hardest ones of my life. Seeing my Grandpa Sunday made it real, he's gone, never coming back. Never coming back into that door to hug me hello. My dad's side of the family (my grandpa is his dad) are all close, and we are all close to both our grandparents. We've all seen eachother's life trials and we have all been there to support eachother. Our whole family cried sunday and monday. I admire my Grandmother for staying so strong while her whole family broke down. She's a solid rock of love and support. Throughout the funeral on Monday, my dad made me realize we have to treat everyone we love and care about as if it was our last time. Because you honestly don't know if it's your last time. I got a little impatient when we went to American Fork to visit, and I now regret feeling like that. Napping instead of socializing because I was up so late chattering with Sher or just enjoying being with my dad.
My grandpa was not one to judge, neither was his wife.
They showed us how to choose wisely and I had never noticed it until this weekend.
He found happiness in every crooke and cranny of life. He shared so much love, and so much happiness for life, you couldn't help my smile when he cried tears of joy when nothing but his family was surrounding him.
I'm taking that as an example for myself.
I'm writing this to show that person up there pressing that Destroy happiness button, they can press it all they want because from now on it isn't working. I won't allow it to work. There is happiness in every trial.
We cannot survive off of happiness alone, we survive off of support, love and caring people in our lives.
Rest in Peace Grandpa, Hope to see you when it's my turn! :)
Inspiring songs:
Live like you were dying-Tim Mcgraw
Unwritten-Natasha Bedingfield
Seasons of Love-Rent (musical)
That's How you Know-Enchanted Soundtrack
Happy ever after-carrie underwood
once in a lifetime-keith urban
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