Picture Perfect

Thanksgiving is more than just a day to be thankful for things in your life and to be around your loved ones. It's a day to realize what YOU can do to make people smile. Whether it be annoy your cousins with game after game of Taboo, laughing hysterically over knocking your little sisters head with your elbow or just eating with your split up family.

Every family has their problems. It can be living hours away and never talking, a spouse who has broken up bonds, a tragic death that no one can forgive each other for, or a simple mishap between two relatives. Thanksgiving is a day to reunite family and repair relationships. A time to make new friendships and closer bonds with your loved ones. And there wasn't a better way to do that than to go to Sun Valley with my family.

Thinking back to exactly 7 years ago when we went to Sun Valley for Thanksgiving it seemed so wonderful and so happy, this was when my mom was married to my ex step dad and we had family of 10. Everyone was happy, we were always together and there was never a dull moment. My family and I were so excited to be back in Sun Valley where the best things happen. Unfortunately I went into the trip thinking that it won't be fun since I wasn't on good terms with my mom. The drive was fine but only because I isolated myself in the backseat with my iPod and phone (I wish I read). We arrived to the lodge and the condos we were staying at (just one complex over from the ones we stayed in 7 years ago). Immediately I didn't recognize the place, I put the car in park and we unloaded the car. I racked my brain trying to figure out where we were in relation to our trip in 2002. Nothing. All I could remember was the good times at Thanksgiving dinner and the warm memories of love being all around me. Stepping out into the 25 degree weather, Mackenzie, Grace and I decided to find our favorite candy shop in the village. We searched for a good 20 minutes hitting dead end after dead end finally finding it and able to reminisce about how much money we spent the last time we were here. I realized that instead of searching for the past I have to allow my memories to just come to me. So with this new theory we ran back and vegged out for a little bit to catch up and unpack. Memory after memory kept coming back to me and all I wanted to do was to go out and relive my perfect memories. We went ice skating the next day (just like 7 years ago). Only I forgot that I'm 18 and boys are stupid...stupid enough to ram into me almost slicing my legs open or causing me to bruise my fragile tailbone. When I was 11 I sure don't remember having to deal with annoying immature 20 year old boys. But my cousins definitely made up for that stupid event, we made up silly routines clicked picture after picture and held hands to avoid a major crash. I looked up at the sky and saw the wispy clouds and the bright blue sky glowing back at me and I knew that my Thanksgiving wasn't going to be as horrible as I thought. We skated for hours and later we bought some candy, and decided to not eat for some time in order to go into our feast starving. My thanksgiving last year consisted of tons of people, and a lot of turkeys. Every one of those birds got eaten. (I was with my dad's family). I was hoping it'd be the same, but my mom's side is small, with a total of 13 grand kids..2 are boys, 3 aunts and 2 uncles and one set of G-parents. I was so excited to share what's made my year so great, and how much I love my family. But we never got to voice our thoughts...we were all too hungry. We decided to ditch the loud grown-ups sipping on wine and play a chaotic game of Taboo and jump into the 100 degree round pool. I was so happy that I got to be with my family in Sun Valley, I created brand new memories and stronger bonds with my crazy cousins. Yes, my mom is viewed as the aunt who's had two husbands and soon a third, my aunt beat viscous breast cancer and my uncle gets by with 5 girls and a house that's isolated from town, my other aunt may be the one who struggles in life but she hasn't ended up on the streets. We're a strong family, and no matter what obstacle will hit us we can overcome with ease. If it wasn't for this family, MY family would have never been able to get through a rough three years and end up in Palo Alto. We aren't perfect in other's eyes but in my eyes we're picture perfect.

Lesson Learned:
Life isn't about the people you know, how close you are to people. It's about how happy you are and how happy you make others. It's not about money, or how many sales you can hit up on Black Friday. It's family and relationships with the people you care for. If you have a lot of love in your family, there will never be a fallout great enough to break you apart from them. Love your family, no matter how insane they drive you they only do it because they love you. Tell them thank you for just being there. Life is too short to not be thankful. Give your loved ones the love they deserve, and you'll feel happier just knowing they love you back.

Memorable 18

November 17th came too quickly! I'm official and I don't feel any different. Other than I have a blue fish, more saving money, and another year to look forward to. I never knew there was a meteor shower on my birthday, and luckily my good friend from ASL informed me. It was the most amazing experience in my life. I decided to catch the last bit of the shower around 4am-6am. I just happened to wake up at 3:45 and jump onto my roof with tons of blankets. I only waited about 2 minutes until the first meteor streaked through the morning sky. I got this weird irk in my stomach that my grandpa was celebrating my 18th birthday with me (since I didn't get to see him on my trip to Utah over the weekend). I got chokey and decided to stay up until I see at least 2 and if there are anymore then it's definitely both of my grandpa's celebrating my biggest year of my teenage life. I got the privilege to see 5 beautiful meteors before snoozing off on the roof . I woke up to see another big meteor before I jumped down to get some sleep in my cozy bed. Lately getting to sleep has been a little hard for me (my ex kind of forced me to see paranormal activity..don't see it if you're paranoid at night..and get frequent panic attacks) but this morning, around 6am I went to sleep feeling like I had my two angels surrounding me. I woke up on my own again and reflected on my past years. As I got to midnight last night I remembered my ex sent me a message via facebook wishing me a happy birthday, the only thing I could do was laugh about it. It's funny how some people think their important enough AFTER they proved to you they could care less about you, that you'll miss them or go gaga over a dumb message. I deleted the message and decided to forget about him and his dumb immature ego. I'm living my life without any regret and NO MORE BOYS. I cooked up a party at my house the following Saturday and I was so ecstatic to just let go and forget about everything bad in my life. Filter it all out and focus on the good future I've lied down for myself. I'm not going to lie, being single and starting over is possibly the best thing I've decided for myself. I had no persuasion from anyone to start over. You don't have to have a good day thrust upon you, you can always make a bad day get turned around just by simply jamming out to songs in your car...or calling an old friend. Or stealing a snuggle with your dog. I couldn't be where I am now without my family and my close friends. They are my gems and my solid rocks. They keep me grounded and without them starting over new would be a little bit harder than it is now. I guess the only thing you can do is to reflect on the happy memories, never regret anything and make a new lifestyle for yourself. There isn't anything more rewarding than being proud of the person you are. Be filled with self confidence yet be humble about how confident you are. It can only make you shine more if you let others discover your confidence on their own rather than rubbing it in their face. My point is, if my 18th birthday didn't start out with that meteor shower, I wouldn't have been as inspired to start over new. You are here for a reason, so make it worth the trip! :)

Lesson Learned: Look up to the sky and you'll find what you're looking for.

Embracing Today

"Embrace today because we are never guaranteed tomorrow!"

Life can be full of unexpected happenings. College app deadlines randomly changing without notification, a loved one's death, a sudden heartbreak, a new friend who was once your enemy and a brand new chapter. I've decided to start over, as I previously said in my other entries, but I don't think I realized I would actually be starting fresh. I've never felt so free and so happy in my life, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much and I have a sore spot in my chest from laughing hard so much. I never though starting my new life would be this great. Unfortunately good things never last for long! Today wasn't my best day out of my past three weeks, but it was a great learning experience. Dealing with consequences is something I've always been able to do. But this time it was a consequence that wasn't really deserved. I tried incredibly hard to bite my tongue and stick it out but for some reason I just couldn't shut my mouth. Now that I'm out of such a "bite my tongue" relationship, I'm not holding back with anyone. Which creates a problem with my mom. I wasn't my happy self today, but I embraced every moment of my bad day. You can't always live looking back on the past, on what you should have done. You have to look forward and keep your head up right in order to fully understand what you're doing here. Grace and I rode the bus home together and we made a tiny observation of why we got off where we did. I decided to get off a little further back from our street so we can just walk straight ahead, while grace wanted to get off at the stop further ahead and walk backwards. I told her "we can't be moving backwards! we have to keep moving forward! NO DWELLING ON THE PAST!" she quickly laughed and said "Yeaaah I do dwell on the past" laughing in unison we got into an argument after Gracie tried to justify how we wouldn't really be moving backwards but making a shortcut. There's no such thing as a short cut in life. I can't talk my way out of this consequence, I can't justify why I was late. I can only accept what I've done, and deal with no car for two days. Instead of racking my brain on how I deserved this, what I did, and how it's never happened before won't get me anywhere. Accepting it and moving forward will get me a lot further than whining and complaining. I'm brushing it off with a smile, life is too short to relive the past. It's long enough to share smiles and laughs with the ones we love.

Lesson Learned: Deal with today, don't deal with the past it will only make you miserable. Live in the now, live life to the fullest laughing and smiling every opportunity you are handed, because you never know what's in store for you tomorrow!

Dreams

Every girl has a dream about "coming of age"-turning 18 and being seen as a woman. For me my journey has been rough, just as plenty of other girls. I have always pictured my life a certain way. Like living in Utah with my whole family, going to Sherman Kendall's Beauty school and owning my own salon. I never thought about the possibility of change in my life until October 31st 2009. After breaking up with my boyfriend of roughly a year I knew what I had to do. I was going to be selfish and indulge myself any way possible. The only people I should be pleasing are my family and God. "Forget about boys, boys are stupid!" The quote of my Halloween night. The person who said it was right! Why should I impress someone who won't even be in my life forever? I shouldn't! There is never ever a reason for you to lower your morals and standards for ANYONE. I'm learning how to put myself before others for a while. it's MY senior year MY year to decide what to do for the rest of MY life...okay for the next 10 years. I'm sticking to promises, plans and to the friends who have always been there for me. You can never go wrong with a good friend. you can't think "how does this person benefit me", you must think about how this person adds happiness, joy and clarity to your life. If you think about those 3 things before you become close to one person, you will never have to worry about betrayal. I made a promise to my old best friend my sophomore year. We promised to be best friends no matter what, we had a fallout but I didn't know who I was. I only knew who I was to one person. Girls-don't waste your time on someone who makes you confused about your life and who you are. Waste time on girlfriends who giggle and gossip till the night ends. Waste time on people who want to care for you. Who want to talk for hours on end about nothing. Be with people who make you laugh just out of happiness who will excite you for no other reason than to be living your lives together. Yesterday morning I went on a field trip with some great people from my sign language class. We finally go to go the Deaf school in Fremont. I love being in sign language and to have the opportunity to see and speak with people who are so amazing and grateful for life. It makes me strive to be at least half of who they are. I can't think about y life without my friends and my family. They help frame who I am today. I can say I'm a strong woman who won't waste time on charmers, but who will waste time on loving life and the people in it. I love my life and the only person I can truly thank is the man upstairs. I wouldn't even be here without his guidance and choice to put me here. I will always be thankful to him, life wouldn't exist without the gift of love and joy.

Lesson Learned: Be yourself, Be grateful, Be here, Exist.

A great new week!

I've never had such an amazing week! I thought adjusting to my new life would be really hard, but since I did the right thing, I guess someone up there decided to reward me for once!
My week started off rocky, I have a cold...a really nasty cold and I worked a lot. Not complaining about any of it. I love my job and I...can deal with a cold! Nothing can ever replace how happy I feel with my new chapter in my life. As my old friend would say "you may have ripped out a chapter, but you're replacing it with the best chapter of your whole book". I'm almost 18 and I think I was too afraid to be who I am alone. After all, my..ex *gulp* was the one who made me really find myself, so I was only myself around him since I spent most of my time with him. But now, I'm my own person and I'm sharing it with everyone. I'm so happy right now, my nanny job pays off so much. Taking care of a child is the best thing you can do for yourself, you have to be selfless and think only about what they need, not what you need from them. (Like for them to stop crying). It also makes you not care about what other people say about the situation...or any situation even when you aren't around the kid. For instance, my lame high school peers think they're so superior to everyone else around them that they believe talking about my blog is going to get them anywhere. I know, pathetic.

Anyways, MY life is honestly turning around. Instead always being in a confused state of mind and always having a foggy mind, I'm happy, I know what I want and my mind is so clear. Everyday can only get better from here, and if not I'm always going to find a way to make it better. I've decided to change my ways. Keep every promise I make and be risky and live my life to the fullest. The little things that will get to me, I'm going to make sure I karate kick their bums outta' my life. I'm going to visit my family in Utah next weekend, it's the perfect thing I need for my new chapter. A new look, a new "MO", and a new personality. My family is my rock, even though we have our days, I don't think I'll ever want to be away from them.
Life is more than just living it, it's living IN your life. Be a part of anything you can, grasp any opportunity for new windows and new people that come at you. Live in your life for you but live your life for others.

Lesson Learned: Life is great.